Forward to Recovery. Maybelle Crabtree here. As I stated in my last post, I believed I failed to live up to my 2023 One Word of “Forward.” Maybe failed isn’t the correct word. Maybe I just wasn’t as successful as I thought I would be. Or it could be that my grandiose plans are just too much. I set the bar too high for myself.
Once again, a new year is upon us and I am pondering a new One Word. I’m not a quitter. I will keep trying to be better and improve myself any way possible. Besides, looking back I do realize there weren’t as many down days as up days. And that is a step forward, right?
“Of course, it is,” says the small, quiet voice in my head. “It’s the little things that really count in life. Add up a few little things and you have one big thing.”
That is what I look back on from 2023: the little things which kept me going from day to day.
Forward – Made My Bed
First thing every morning, I made my bed. Well, maybe not the first thing. I did have to get out of bed first which took me longer on some days than others. And maybe not every day but six days out of seven it was made. Of course, you couldn’t flip a coin on it and have it bounce back up, but it was nice to look at.
As Admiral William H. McRaven explains in his book, Make Your Bed, after a serious parachute accident: “When I was finally well enough to lift myself unaided from the bed, the first thing I did was pull the sheets up tight, adjust the pillow, and make sure the hospital bed look presentable to all those who entered my home. It was my way of showing that I had conquered the injury and was moving forward with my life.”
He continues, “Nothing can replace the strength and comfort of one’s faith, but sometimes the simple act of making your bed can give you the lift you need to start your day and provide you the satisfaction to end it right.”
Forward – Dining with Friends
Second, I made a pact with four of my friends to have at least one dinner and one lunch with them every month. So at least twice a month, I get a little dressier than sweatpants, t-shirt, and sneakers. My hair was styled and I applied eye makeup, and lipstick. I ate what sounded tasty, laughed with my whole body, and engaged in conversation. Occasionally, I drank a cocktail.
For a few hours, I forgot about death and grief; the empty house that was awaiting me. It felt good. Sometimes, we closed the place down as we were the last patrons to leave the restaurant. I was alive and joyous! Now I see it was a small step in my forward motion.
Forward – Adventures Out by Myself
Finally, I went places by myself. Now I’m not talking about the grocery store or the mall. I’m talking about “things to do” places like museums, community theaters, and botanical gardens. Before I met Tom, I did these kinds of excursions all the time. I had no qualms about it. Now, it feels awkward. Why? Is it my age? My stage life? Or maybe just feeling like a part of me is missing and it’s visible to whoever looks at me. I don’t know. But I will continue my adventures. There is no other choice if I want to move “forward.”
So as I look back at 2023 I’m satisfied with the “forward” movement I made. And now it’s time for a new One Word in 2024 and it is “Recovery.” Cambridge Dictionary defines recovery as “the process of becoming successful or normal again after problems.” The dictionary other definitions are “the act or process of better; improvement” and “a process in which a situation improves after a difficult period.”
Recovery
These definitions are spot on because grief recovery is a process. There’s no two ways about it. You can deny it, medicate yourself “against” it, stay constantly busy, or try to avoid it. But these actions only prolong the inevitable. You have to face the grief and process it and that takes time. A different timetable for each individual.
I’m still processing my grief for Tom. And it’s been over two years. I don’t know where I am on the spectrum but every day I am a little closer to the end.
I know several women who have lost their husbands since Tom died. The number is almost two hands full. I console them. Hug them. Listen to them. They ask me how to get through the grief. I reply just one day at a time.
And all this has gotten me to thinking. A dangerous thing sometimes. But here’s my thought. Maybe the reason all this has happened to me is so that I can help other women deal with the loss of their husbands.
I’ve probably mention this in a previous post but it’s worth mentioning again. I bought books – lots of books – on grief. Personal stories, different therapies, and different types of grief are a few of the topics.
And somehow I’ll become some kind of certified expert. Because people need to see letters after your name to think you’re legit. So here’s to my “recovery” in 2024. Here’s to your recovery also because we all have difficult periods we can recover from. Maybelle Crabtree signing off.