Once a widow, always a widow, right? Maybelle Crabtree here. Well, I thought so but maybe I’m wrong. I went to my first widows’ gathering a few months ago. Widowers were there too. Irene who started this little group holds the monthly meeting at her house. I think Irene believes that it’s her mission in life to get widows and widowers together. As in, she’s a matchmaker.
A few months after Tom died, she approached me after church services to express her sympathy about his death. She informed me that she herself was a widow and that she started a group for people in the same boat as us. Just to socialize and talk; to keep from being lonely, she insisted.
She invited me to their next meeting; to be among the living. I thought I was, I mused to myself. Anyway, I politely declined due to prior commitments. She then boasted about some of her “successes” of people who had found their second life partner among the “members.” Oh, I see where this is going. Again, I declined and went on my way. Quickly.
Over the next few months, she pestered me over and over again whenever she saw me at church. She even texted me several times with reminders of upcoming meetings. I never replied to any of them. You’d think she’d get the hint eventually. But she didn’t. And I realized that her nagging wouldn’t end until I finally gave in and went to one of her get-togethers. So I went.
The Widows’ Meeting
It was a late, Wednesday afternoon. Her house smelled of fresh, baked cookies. Irene introduced me to all the gentlemen in attendance: Walter, Harvey, Clark, Ned, and Charles. All of them were very nice. Then she quickly named off the women; too many to remember all their names. They seemed none too pleased to have me there. I was the new competition. Sorry, ladies. Not interested. The gentlemen are all yours for the taking.
For the most part, it was an enjoyable event. Being around people who understood the loss I felt was good. It didn’t matter if they were newly widowed like me or for years; if a spouse died suddenly or after a long illness. They understood. They know the pain behind the laughter, the nonsensible anger that comes and goes, the loneliness of a half-empty bed. As much as I hate to admit it, they are my people.
The meeting ended two hours later. Just in time for the Early Bird specials at The Downtown Diner. Surprisingly, one of the other widows, I think her name was Gloria, invited me to join them for an early dinner. Another opportunity to check out the competition or were they genuinely interested in me, I wondered. But, regardless of the reason, I accepted the invite.
Once the waitress took our orders and the ladies sipped some wine, they relaxed a little bit. They talked about some of the women who use to belong to the group and how much they missed them.
“Why don’t they come anymore?” I asked
“Why don’t they come anymore?” Irene repeated my question. Then she laughed. “Because they remarried, of course. They’re not widows any longer.”
Widow Defined
That was very odd to me. So after I arrived home, I looked up the definition of the word “widow” in my beat-up, old dictionary. Sure enough, there it was in black and white: a woman who has lost her husband by death and usually has not remarried.
So my husband dies and I’m a widow. I remarry and I’m not a widow any longer? That just doesn’t make any sense at all! What happens to my first husband and the memories of us together? Are they erased from my mind, my life? The way I see it, regardless of whether I remarry or not, I will always be a widow. I can’t ignore my love or my feelings for Tom. Life will never be the same without him. And if I have to “forget” him to have another relationship then I am not doing it. I will stay a widow. Period. Besides I’m too old and I don’t have enough energy to train another husband again!
Look, I don’t know what God has in store for me. Maybe there is someone else out there who would put up with me. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m done. And those ladies who “graduated” from the widows’ club ought to be reinstated. Because once a widow, always a widow. No circumstances will ever change that.
So what do you think? Leave me a comment down below and let’s discuss. Maybelle Crabtree signing off.