“You love the girls more than me!”
“Admit it! Holly’s your favorite cause she’s the baby!”
“You never help me with my homework.”
“Matthew’s the favorite because he’s the oldest and only boy.”
“You never let me do that!”
Unless you have only one child, you have heard it in one form or another. You have a “favorite” child because (fill in the blank). You “love” one child more than the others because (fill in the blank). My reply was always the same: I love you all the same, just differently. This usually shuts them up as they get puzzled looks on their faces and try to figure out what I was telling them. You might be asking too. How can you love them all the same but different? Let me explain.
Three Unique Individuals
God amazes me with the fact that He takes the DNA of the same two people and makes three unique individuals. My children have the same features on the outside and there is no denying that they are siblings. But inside, they are all different. I could not love them in the same way. That would be a disservice to them all. I had to find their specific personality and love on that.
Matthew
Matthew is the oldest and the only boy, but he is very athletic and sometimes too smart for his own good. As a baby, he was always in the 90th percentile for height and weight every time he had a doctor’s appointment. Ahead of the developmental milestones for whatever stage he was in, he rolled over from back to tummy before he was four months old, crawled at six months, and walked at nine months. He played football, baseball, and even participated in gymnastics for a while. He thought he was smarter than his teachers and homework was a waste of time.
Laurel
Laurel has the honor of being both a little sister and a big sister. She is thoughtful, kind, quiet, studious, and has a heart of gold. She made placements for each family member at Thanksgiving time when she was in elementary school stating why she was thankful for each one of us. Having an artistic side, she spends her free time drawing and coloring. She skipped a lot instead of walking when she was a child and greeted me every morning with a bright and cheery, “Good morning, mommy!”
Holly
Holly is the youngest child and is funny and has a mind of her own. Even as a baby, she determined when she would stop breastfeeding or eat with a spoon. Her sole purpose in school was to outdo whatever her siblings did and is not afraid to tell you exactly how she feels, at least at home. She is a stickler for rules, does not like surprises, and keeps to a schedule.
Respect the Individual
Matthew made me a mom, Laurel was anything but a typical middle child, and I had to always be one step ahead of Holly. They were. and still are, all different, each needing different requirements from me. I cannot watch football with Laurel, talk Picasso’s cubism with Matthew, nor take Holly on a mystery trip. And that fact does not make one of them more favored than the other two. It makes them individuals and gives them the respect they each deserve.
It wasn’t always easy. Believe me in my mind sometimes I was thinking “why can’t you be more like…” but I stopped before the words ever came out of my mouth. They had to be who they were, warts and all. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Because you see, I love them all the same just differently.
This brought back memories of my growing years. As the middle sister, I had to watch my older sister go off to school while I waited patiently all day for her return. My baby sister got a lot of attention. I felt left out but concentrated on waiting for big sister’s return from school. But wait! When she returned, she got a LOT of hugging and attention. I was jealous!! The words “I love you all the same but different.” Those words really grounded me and helped me cope while raising my own children. God showed me how to explain my different love to myself and my children.