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Grief Sucks! Maybelle Crabtree here. I said it. There’s no two ways about it. Grief sucks. If you don’t agree with me, well then you’ve never been through it. And if you haven’t been through it, then you haven’t been living. Or maybe you live in a cave. Or you are a hermit.
We all experience some kind of loss – a death, a divorce, a job loss to name a few. It happens. Sometimes we see it coming. Oftentimes not. But we are unprepared either way.
People squirm just at the mere mention of the “died.” They soften the blow with words and phrases like “passed away,” “departed,” kicked the bucket,” “bit the dust,” and “croaked.” One time when I was a kid, a lady say she lost her husband and I asked my mom if her husband was found. Mom explained that he died. Why didn’t she just say that? I wondered.
Death is a part of life; a natural procession. We begin the process of dying the very minute we are born. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But we must overcome it. We are frightened by our own mortality that we ignore people’s needs in their time of loss. There’s got to be a better way. We have to change.
We’re Not Supposed to “Feel Bad”
For example, people told me, after Tom died to not feel bad or to cry because he was in a better place. How about me, the griever? Am I in a better place? No! And how am I supposed to get to a better place if I don’t cry? If I don’t feel bad? Are you more concerned about your own discomfort then my feelings? Should I just shove my grief deep down inside me? Suppress it with no place to go? How will that help me?
Just let me cry. Let me scream. Allow me to get whatever is inside of me out. And, please, don’t hand me a tissue because that tells me to stop what I’m doing. Instead, stand there; quietly. Don’t say a word. Maybe put your arm around me. Hold me tight and permit me to wet your shoulder. Soaked, if need be.
Grief Sucks Because There is No Time Limit
Also, don’t put a time limit on my grief. Grieving is a process. Right now, I’m still learning to deal with it. And that may take another year or 2 to figure out. Maybe even 5 or 10 years. I don’t know. But it’s not like one day I wake up and, ta da, no more grief. It’s a gradual process. So please give me the time I need.
Grief Sucks Because I Have to Lie
Finally, don’t make me lie to you by saying “I’m okay” or “I’m fine,” when you half-heartedly ask, “How are you doing?” Because, to be truthful, I’m not. And I don’t know if I ever will be again. If you are that concerned, then call me up. Make a date with me for lunch, coffee, or even some kind of dessert. I’ll tell you how I’m doing. It’s not something that can be explained in a few minutes while exchanging niceties as we pass by each other. It won’t be comfortable for you but it will do me a world of good.
So there you have it. Leave a comment down below and let’s discuss. Maybelle Crabtree signing off.