Mary Sue Kramer, My Neighbor

Mary Sue Kramer is my next door neighbor. She moved in about a week before we did. She has blond hair, an hour glass figure, a loving, handsome husband, and two children – one boy and one girl. Mary Sue has that deadly combination of having both brains and beauty. She welcomed us with a tray of homemade cookies the day after we moved in. And they weren’t just chocolate chip or sugar cookies. Oh, no they were fancy cookies like Lady Fingers, macaroons, and shortbread. They were nothing like the pre-formed, ready-made dough, put on a sheet, and stick it in the oven for 8 minutes cookies I make. Her cookies took some time to make and they were delicious.

Mary Sue and Us Other Wives

At first, the rest of us wives on the lane called her “Barbie Doll.” Yes, I hate to admit it but the green-eyed monster came out in all of us. We found things not to like about her. It got pretty bad sometimes. We were not very Christian at all. Then, I got to know Mary Sue and my perspective changed. She was, and still is, the complete opposite of me and maybe that’s why we clicked. Every part of her perky personality and body is real; 100% genuine. There is not an evil bone in her body. She instills her Alabama-bred southern charm into everything she does. And you just can’t help but like her.

Her house looks like you walked into a model home. Everything has a place and not a speck of dust seems to live in her house. And she has white carpet in her family room which stays white. How can that happen when you have kids? In comparison, my house looks like a tornado tore through it. Every morning, there’s at least child yelling, “Mom, where’s my…?” Admittedly, I am envious of Mary Sue. In fact, I want my home to look like hers. But no matter how hard I try, that just isn’t going to happen.

My Mary Sue Moment

Once, I tried to simply organize the pantry. Three shelves where food seems to multiply when the doors are closed. Packed to the gills and I can’t find a single ingredient that I need when I need it. So one Saturday I began unloading the shelves. Food overflowed from the kitchen table onto the countertops to the floor. I found 10 pasta boxes, three baking powder containers, two jars of minced garlic, seven cans of baked beans, and three small bottle of rainbow sprinkles buried in the back of the pantry.

I spent the whole day cleaning the shelves, organizing everything according to frequency used, and throwing out expired food.  Even set aside some of the multiple items to give to the town’s food pantry. I was exhausted by the end of the day. Yes, it took all day long – almost 7 hours. But I was proud. I had a pantry similar to Mary Sue’s: everything in its place and a place for everything. Small items put into baskets so they didn’t get lost. Baking items stored in the same area. Canned goods positioned together and sorted by item. I slept well that night dreaming of the day I would have a kitchen like Mary Sue’s.

My Reality

The next morning I opened the pantry doors to retrieve my cereal and right there at eye-level was a stray bag of bulk walnuts.

“Who put that there?” I shrieked.

“I did,” replied Tom. “Didn’t know where to put it so I put it there where you would see it and you can put it where it belongs.”

“You didn’t see the other bulk nuts here on the right side on the second shelf?”

He shrugged. “I guess I didn’t look.”

I glared at him, placing the bag on the right side of the second shelf.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No. Nothing.”

Then, he came over and gave me a hug. “You did such a fine job yesterday rearranging everything I didn’t want to ruin it.”

In the following weeks, stray items appeared in the pantry looking for a place to occupy: a box of cookies, a jar of applesauce, envelopes of taco seasoning. Finally, I gave up. The pantry is back to its messy and overflowing self.

Does Mary Sue have this problem? I wonder.

When the pantry doors won’t shut anymore, I load up my car with a multitude of boxes, containers, and jars and head over to the food pantry. Now they know me by name.

“Hi, Miss Maybelle,” I’m always greeted with a smile, “Whatcha got for us today?”

At least something good comes from having a messy pantry. But whenever Mary Sue comes over to my house, I offer her whatever is already out on the counter.